So there I sat, immersed in a world of wooden toys, trying to find non-pink stuff for my little guy, when all of a sudden I hear a Christmas classic that has gone terribly, terribly wrong. I love Christmas. And I have grown to love it even more with a toddler around to enjoy it with. Every fiber of my being is telling me that Christmas stuff can't be put up until after Thanksgiving, but man, we are ready to start celebrating in this house. So, I was humming right along with "Winter Wonderland" while it played on TV.
Until.
Until I hear "orgy speeds, they are blistering" and think... what in the blue fuck kind of song is this?!?! My head snaps up, and I see some ho in a pink dress strolling around a bunch of elves in some weird silvery get up, and hot pink hair. I become even more confused. An orgy of elves with pink hair? Huh? And then it's followed up by "Walking in an orgy wonderland!" What kind of Christmas fuckery is this?!?!
We all know that I am not the most politically correct person. (You are welcome). I love a dark twist on just about anything. Have you seen Bad Santa with Billy Bob Thornton? That movie is as twisted as they come, and I find it absolutely hilarious. So, to be honest, I have no issues with a song about an orgy wonderland. What's with the blog post then, you ask?
I want to know which asshat in the T-Mobile marketing department headed up this mess. Haven't they heard of test audiences? I can't believe that they would have created this hot pink nightmare and not one single person would have spoken up to say "Hmmm. A 4G wonderland. Sounds an awful lot like orgy wonderland, dontcha think?" I actually sincerely hope that there was a test audience, and they all thought the same thing I did. And then decided it would be an epic move for the history of test audiences to nod and smile and say it was the best effing holiday commercial of all time. And then laugh hysterically every time that shit plays on the TV. Kudos, test audience. Slow. Fucking. Clap. I mean, how else could this have possibly played out? Who headed up this campaign, Ron Jeremy? Come ON! America's mind is in the gutter and we like sleaze!
Exhibits A through I-Could-Go-On-Forever.
Disney star gets the J-Lo makeover.
The ever demure flower we call Courtney Stodden
Another former Disney ho, making out with her Mom. If this doesn't say klassy, I don't know what does.
Snookitina parading around pantsless.
All of these charming pieces of American culture are proof that when given a choice, America goes for the sleaze. Hey, I'm all for it, because it's entertaining as hell. But what kind of simpleton comes up with "Walking in a 4G wonderland" and can't figure out that most of America is going to hear "orgy"??? Kudos, T-Mobile. Really, well done. And hey, if you have an opening in the marketing department, let me know. I can help you class up all kinds of holiday beauty, I promise.
2 comments:
I agree with most of your posts but this one is kind of crazy. Maybe it's your dirty mind that is hearing the word orgy? I'm assuming most kids don't know what that word means. I'm assuming that wasn't T-Mobile's intent. Now, I can't stand T-Mobile or their dumb commercials, but they are certainly not the worst out there.
P.S. I think Christina's outfit in this post is really cute and not skanky in the least. She may be showing a lot of leg but the rest of her is well covered up. Doesn't quite fit with the rest of the awful pics on your list.
I gotta go with you on this one, my mind automatically hears the word "orgy" every time the commercial comes on. I doubt little ones will catch on but it's a risky leap nonetheless.
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