The Cup

I swore I'd never do it. That it wasn't for me. I'd stick to the chemical laden alternative. And then... well, I don't really know what happened. I think it was all of my friends persistence at hounding me to do a review. So, here we land. I got a Lunette Cup.

Fair warning: if you are a dude, or squeamish about your nether yay-ya (bonus points if you get that reference), you may want to look away now. This post involves who-has, blood, and well...there is a pretty iconic toilet scene. You have been warned.

I'm assuming most of you know what a Lunette Cup (or any menstrual cup) is. If not, here's the low down. It's a little silicone cup you shove up your boy howdy that collects the goods during your period. Sounds weird, but frankly.... so are tampons that are chemical filled, or pads which are frankly just gross. To me, anyway. The cup easily folds up for insertion and expands once in place.

This should be a no brainer. Until you add a Megan to the equation. We all know I'm not full of grace. But really... how badly could I screw this up? Epically, my friends. That's how. Let me paint you a picture.....

So, I purchase the Lunette Cup at my local cloth diapering/natural parenting store, Baby Junk. I went in thinking I'd get a different brand (rhymes with Shmiva, starts with a D), but everyone recommended the Lunette. Plus, it came in purple. That's important. I mean, it will spend it's time shoved up a love tunnel, so it should be pretty, right?! Right. So, I purchases it and went on my merry way. Thanks to Mother Nature, I was able to use it right away.

I remove the little cup from it's satin bag (pretty fancy, eh?!) and read the instructions. Basically, you are to push it flat, so both halves are touching, then fold it in half again. Seems easy enough. Then? Well, you basically just shove. Slightly uncomfortable, but mostly just a strange feeling. When the cup is in place, you are supposed to turn it, to make sure it expands fully and is locked and loaded. Now, I bought the size 2, which is for anyone who has had a baby, regardless of method of delivery. It seemed to be a good fit, but there was no way on God's Green Earth that I could rotate that mofo. I kegel'ed it up a bit, and hoped for the best. Once in, the thing was a delight! I couldn't feel it at all.

Fast forward to removal. Now I'd heard you could leave it in for up to 12 hours. I left it in for 8-10, I can't remember exactly. Lesson number 1. This is way too effing long. How did I learn this, you ask? Why, let me tell you! To remove, you have to "break the seal" since suction is what keeps that little bugger in. The recommended way is to work your finger into your lady bits next to the cup, and push the side of the cup inward, to break the seal. Awesome idea. In theory. As soon as I pushed the cup in, the cup overflowed. Ghastly sight, yes. But, I'm a Mom and I deal with bodily fluids all the time. My own blood covering my hand an arm like a scene out of "Carrie" wasn't THAT bad. The issue? That little mofo became more slippery than Lindsay Lohan in the justice system. I was rapidly losing my grip, the side had re-expanded and frankly, I just panicked. I started yanking. Lesson number 2. If you don't break the seal effectively, it will rip your cervix out of your body. Or so it feels. So, hickey in place on my cervix, I finally get that bad boy out. And it slips from my hand. Into the toilet. Where I had peed. And now approximately 10 gallons of blood sat.

What the hell do you do?!?! I mean, I paid $40 for that bad boy. My mind raced, and my stomach heaved. And then I did it. I plunged my hand into a bloody bowl of urine. I bumped the cup with my hand, and as I went to grab it.... poof! Down the hole it went. I'm pretty sure my anguished cries could be heard two states over. I then shoved my hand down the hole. No dice. Twenty minutes I spent fishing around, and that bad boy was GONE. I contaminated myself for no reason. NOT COOL.

After I showered 3 times, I stomped around the house yelling at anything that dared look my way. I finally decided to write the people at Lunette, looking for some support. I mean... I can't be the only one this has happened to, right? Yeah, wrong. I got an email back stating I WAS the only one! People had dropped them, but never literally lost them down the shitter. In a weird way, I felt kind of awesome. I mean, let's face it. That email made the rounds to everyone at Lunette. I'm a celebrity.

The kind people at Lunette (seriously, they are SUPER helpful) offered to send me another, if I'd share my experience with all of you. So, I hope you are enjoying my blog of shame.

Thankfully when I received the new one, I had no other shenanigans. Honestly? I love this thing. I find it super easy to insert, and it expands easily. I have a super heavy flow, so for a few days, I have to empty it every 3 hours or so. But that's much better than the hour I was getting from tampons. And on the lighter days, I can then leave it in for 12 hours if I want. The silicone is soft and pliable. It's easy to clean, easy to use. I'm not going to lie, there is definitely a learning curve, and you have to be comfortable with handling your Notorious V.A.G. (Jessica, I'm talking to you). But really, a few times using it, and you are golden. It's MUCH more comfortable, and you are able to use it for a much longer time. It's green, it's economical (though I know the $40 price tag up front is a lot to swallow, if you are used to paying $6 for a box of tampons) and it's much better for your body. Frankly, I think every damn one of you should run out and buy one now. Yeah, even you over there with the penis. Give it to your wife!

I have not tried any other menstrual cups, though I did purchase a Fleurcup. I haven't used it yet, so I can't report on it. I purchased it after the first Lunette disaster, but got my replacement pretty quickly and I just haven't branched out. I want to give a big shout out to the folks over at Lunette. Mostly, for keeping their hysterical laughter to themselves and not making me feel like more of an idiot. Well, that, and their customer service is just great. Super quick response, really helpful suggestions, and they definitely care about their product and helping the consumer use it correctly! The website is incredibly helpful when trying to figure out sizing and using it for the first time.

While I started this review out with a comical horror story, you can pretty much rest assured that I'm the only jackass on the planet who will have this issue. I really DO recommend trying the Lunette, and frankly... isn't that saying a lot, considering my first experience? If I can endorse it, anybody can and should use it!

Carson's 4th birthday... Lorax style!!

This is the AWESOME cake that my bestie Jess made! If you are in need of a cake, cupcakes or more, check out Confetti Creations!

Here is the setup, complete with truffula trees!

Best party theme, ever!

The cake was lemon with raspberry, and the cupcakes were funfetti. 

Top of the cake. Aren't the truffula tufts awesome?

On pinterest, the jar that I saw was filled with orange jelly beans or M&Ms or something. But do you know how expensive that is? Eff that noise. I put a couple orange napkins and a leftover orange boa in there. Call me a cheap bastard, if you will. 

Mini truffula trees. I have a permanent dent in my thumb from shoving the straight pins in! The tablecloth was just 2.5 yards of Chevron fabric. I have a thing for Chevron. Just ask Brooke. 

I used tin cans to hold the utensils, straws and photo props. I found the Lorax ribbon on Etsy. 

8oz mason jars were the cups!

This Lorax party was based off of the movie. So, we have humming fish (goldfish crackers), brown barbaloot bears (chocolate teddy grahams), truffula seeds (sunflower seeds) and mini marshmallows, which the Once-ler fed the bears. 

Cups, and the juice behind. I printed out a Lorax face and cut it out to put on the juice jar. 

Each guest got to plant a spider plant, and that was the "goodie bag". Cost effective AND environmentally friendly!

The kids loved having their pictures taken by the truffula trees!

Birthday boy!!!

A made about the best face EVER!

My Dad!

Jessica and Ethan!

My Mom and Carson

A family of Loraxes! 

The one where I over share.

Fair warning-- this is a TMI (too much information) post. If you are squeamish or prudish, or don't enjoy posts about other people's vaginas, I highly advise you to turn back, now! I wouldn't have even blogged this, but apparently it's HYSTERICAL if you aren't me, so I'm here to entertain you. At the expense of my girly bits. 

The scenario: Me, at 10pm with a yeast infection, which I have never had in my life. Those of you poor bastards who have experienced this fun know how miserable it is. I have nothing to treat, and Im in my pajamas, not wanting to make a Walgreens run. Enter my friends from OANP (Omaha Area Natural Parents) and my dear friend Google. Natural/home remedies... there HAVE to be some, right? I mean, Monistat wasn't around in the Little House on the Prairie days. 

Many suggestions are thrown my way: apple cider vinegar, yogurt, garlic, boric acid (you seriously want me to put something with acid in the name in my hoo-ha? NO.)....the list is pretty long. The site I was referred to had the most "yays" for Apple Cider Vinegar, which I always have on hand. So, I decided to give it a go. It couldn't be much worse than the current situation, right? 

Seems harmless, no?

WRONG! SO. EFFING. WRONG. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you lit your vagina on fire? I haven't. But? Now I know. I've been through some pretty horrific pain before, and this was pretty bad. You know how if you have an open wound... even a paper cut, and you get salt or citrus in it? It's like that, but times ONE TRILLION. In your naughty bits!!! I'm going to guess that this is similar to the feeling of humping battery acid. I'll never know for sure, but I'm willing to say it's a pretty fair wager. To the ACV's credit, it DID help, once my vag stopped feeling like it was melting off my body. 

This is what SHOULD be on the bottle of Apple Cider Vinegar.

The one good thing that came from this situation? I've discovered the most epic band name, ever. The Fiery Vaginas. I need to start a band, immediately. 

This is approximately what my face looked like. Give or take 30 years.

I slept through the night just fine, but this morning was feeling pretty miserable. The horrific bastards people posting about ACV claimed that the first time was the worst, so I thought I'd give it another go, and pick up some monistat later, while running errands. I'm just going to cut to the chase here. THEY LIED. It hurt MORE the second time, and I was pretty damn certain that wasn't even humanly possible. Dear unknown internet advice giver, if I ever find you in a dark alley, I will cut you. 

Once I made it through the rage inducing pain, I was good to go. C and I set off to run a few errands, and meet up with my Mom at Target. We were in Starbucks, and I was telling her about my ACV horror story. Apparently it's really funny if it isn't your own misery. I picked up the meds, and headed home. 

Here is where the story gets worse. Having no experience with this type of situation, I grabbed the 1-day medicine. Cure me of this shit in 1 day? SIGN ME UP, STAT! I vaguely knew what I was getting myself into with an applicator and all that. We get home, and I prepare to end my misery. 

You know what happens your first time with the Monistat? You probably don't, because this shit only happens to me. First, you get out that stupid little egg shaped sack of medicine, and put it in the applicator. Who had the bright idea to make this crap round? Round rolls, my friends. Next, you accidentally press the plunger, and that precious ball filled with $10 of god-knows-what goes flying across the bathroom. In a move so acrobatic that even Nastia Liukin would be impressed, you manage to catch that bad boy before it hits the ground. Momentarily you will see that this was a wasted effort. 

You carefully balance that bitch as it makes its way toward your vag. You will be concentrating on your balance more than a circus tightrope walker. You make it to launch with no further mishaps, so you shove it in before it can escape, and press the plunger/applicator/worthless piece of plastic crap. Done, right? Yay!! This is trickier than a space shuttle launch. 

WRONG!! When you pull it out, that stupid, stupid little egg is still on the end, mocking you. AS IT DOES A SWAN DIVE INTO THE TOILET!!!!! Are you freaking kidding me, here???? This is where some rapid fire decisions need to be made. Without really thinking about it, you plunge your and into the toilet, because... well, there is only ONE of those little bastards. At this point, filling a super soaker gun with the ACV and going to town down there seems like a fine idea. Instead, you head to the sink, soap and water because EW. Just ew. So after you have a clean (again) hand and sack of whatever, it's time for round 2. No dice. That sad sack is wet, sticky and soggy and is more attached to the applicator than Tom Cruise is to Xenu. This would be the point where you lose all sense of dignity, grab it in your fingers and shove it up your cooter while praying to God that it just stays in there. 27 times later, you finally have success. And have managed to break a considerable sweat while using a feminine hygiene product. Kudos. 

Next time? Just stick with the battery acid apple cider vinegar. Oh, and P.S.? The 1-day crap doesn't cure it in 1 day. It just means there is only 1 showing of the above film. It still takes 7 days to work, and curiously enough, burns like a mofo, too. 

Today's entertainment brought to you courtesy of my vagina. You are welcome. I will be stewing in my own shame, if you need me. 

July Photo Challenge

So, I've been snapping photos ever since C was born. I really enjoy it, and it's a fun hobby. An expensive hobby, but fun. I've gone back and forth a bunch of times about starting a photography business, and I blogged about it some during this post. I now have the foundation set, and am just enjoying taking pics for family and friends, but not really aggressively pursuing anything.

Anyway, I thought you might like to see some of the pics I've been snapping lately. I joined a photo challenge for July, and have been having fun taking the daily pics. Here's what I have so far, and I'll come back and update through the month!

Day 1: Gluttony. Just how many lip balms does one girl NEED?!

Day 2: Service. This is what I received from the awesome service at B. Accessorized! LOVE this ring!

Day 3: Sacrifice. Motherhood is sacrifice, as exemplified by this cupcake that I gave to my 3 year old, even though I KNEW he would only eat the frosting. 

Day 4: Patriotism. Happy 4th of July from the inside out!

Day 4: Patriotism (part 2) Happy 4th of July from the inside out!

Day 5: My Space. My living room was COVERED in Scentsy after I received a 60lb shipment!

Day 6: At the front. I was at the front of the line to get in on this action!

Day 7: Leftovers. We hosted a family reunion/birthday party and have TONS of leftovers!

Day 8: Are you kidding me? I dropped my beautiful Karma eye pigmentz from Madd Style Cosmetics. :(

Day 9: Makes me queasy. Whoever decided that you can't eat for an hour after taking your thyroid pill was clearly a sadist. 

Day 10: Be careful! Said to C as he leapt off the arm of the couch to "fly" like a super hero. 

Day 11: Leave it to me! Yep, leave it to me to NOT say no when Grandma wants to buy him a new Toy Story toy that shoots foam darts AND makes noise! Oy. 

Day 12: Saucy! Meatballs in marinara to make meatball sandwiches for dinner!

Modern Elizabeth, Modern Branding

I recently interacted with this Etsy seller, and I am SO thrilled with the results, I wanted to share her shop with you. It's no secret that I love photography, and tote my camera everywhere. I try to practice, practice, practice and find that I learn more and more with each shot. I've toyed with the idea of starting a business, but I don't want to be "that girl", that has the photography business that everyone laughs at. There are so many terrible picture, awful edits, etc. out there. I still take plenty of bad shots! But I'm hoping that I take plenty of great shots, too.

Anyway, it's becoming more and more common for friends and family to ask me to take photographs for them. While I'm still iffy about plunging into a business, I decided that I'd like to at least take the steps to set a foundation for a business, as well as give myself a place to share photos I love, without inundating the newsfeeds of my Facebook friends. The first step? A logo and watermark.

That's where Modern Elizabeth comes in! After asking a good friend about a logo and some help (thanks, Amy B.!), I headed to Etsy to look around. I never would have thought to look for a logo there, but I'm glad I did! See, I had known since I pretty much got my camera that if I ever went ahead with a photog business, there was a tag line I wanted to use. (Amy B. or Melinda told me about it, but I can't remember who!). "Your life, my heART". I thought it was so fitting, and I've held on to that tag line in the back of my head for several years.

With that in mind, I just did a general search for Photography Logos, and nearly ever image that I love came from Modern Elizabeth! I clicked into her shop, and decided to peek around, and I just knew that this was it! I contacted her through her shop, and she was super fast at getting back to me. Not only that, but she worked with me on tweaking the image until it was perfect! And trust me, I had quite a few tweaks, and was probably super obnoxious. She was so sweet the whole way through, and made the changes, and super quickly, too! Not only did my package include my logo, but an alternate logo, plus several watermarks. I really can't say enough great things about her, so if you are in need of any graphic services, check her out!

The top one is the final, but I like the second one, too!

Here are a few pics of mine, featuring the watermark:

Paybacks really ARE a bitch.

So, Carson has always been an awesome sleeper. Pretty much from the get go, he loved to sleep. This was good, as his Mommy and Daddy love to sleep, too. He's never been an early riser (before 8 is early for him), and he's pretty much always gone to bed fairly easily. He's always been an awesome napper, too.

I've always tried to be sympathetic to those with crappy sleepers. I mean, we went through the newborn phase, but past that, I don't have much experience. I tried not to brag. But? It's done me no good.

Carson has hit 3.5 and decided that sleep is no good. Along with not sleeping, comes an allergy to listening and a serious attitude. I could deal with being allergic to listening and having a whole lot of sass, but this not sleeping thing? No bueno. I don't function well with no sleep. I turn into Mommy Dearest. He wants to sleep with us, and frankly, if that would make him sleep, I'd be down. But our bed is like a giant trampoline to him. We try to sleep, he jumps. Or pulls our hair and pokes us in the ears or whatever he can do to entertain himself. And avoid sleeping. He begs and cries for us to cuddle him when we put him to bed. Fine by me, but again, our presence keeps him from sleeping.

So? It's turned into a big mountain of over-tired sucktastic-ness. If that's not in the dictionary, it totally should be. Tonight, I got him to bed by bribing him. I promised him I'd take him to the movies tomorrow (Thank you Aksarben Cinema, for the $1 movies) and that he could have popcorn. At first he said no, and he wanted me to cuddle him (which I agreed to, but no movie), but he must have re-thought things, because he went to bed on his own.

I think I've found my solution. Bribery. Isn't it the basis of parenthood? No? It's just me? I'm ok with that. He's been begging for a new Spiderman costume (his ripped) AND a Venom costume, so maybe we need to whip up a little chart. If he takes a nap every day until kindergarten, and goes to sleep every night when we tell him to, he can have the costumes. Seems fair to me.

Until then...

Oh, and P.S., I'll be the one asleep and snoring in the theater during Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked tomorrow. Don't wake me. I will cut you. 

Appliances Online Survey + Giveaway!

Appliances Online is the UK's largest online kitchen appliances retailer. Granted, we aren't in the UK. Well, most of us aren't! However, they are currently running a world-wide survey asking customers (customers in general, not specifically for their store) what retailers need to improve to become more green. Anything from using less packaging, to arranging eco-friendly deliveries, and beyond. I'm all about being green, and helping and supporting companies who wish to do so, so this survey is a fit here at NWNB. This survey is set up on a global scale, and the questions should be relevant to retail in general. So, if you shop, you qualify for the survey.

The best part? Appliances Online is offering up a $50 Amazon gift card to a random participant! The only thing you MUST do to enter, is take the survey. Extra entries are optional. This survey and giveaway runs until 12:01am CST on Wednesday June 20th.



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