Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Monster Jam!!!

Pinnacle Bank Arena, April 11-12, 2014 Welcome to Monster Jam, an incredible family-friendly experience starring the biggest performers on four wheels: Monster Jam monster trucks. These twelve-feet-tall, ten-thousand-pound machines will bring you to your feet, racing and ripping up a custom-designed track full of obstacles to soar over and smash through. Monster Jam provides massive entertainment tailored perfectly for your family's budget, and these colorful, larger-than-life beasts are sure to capture the hearts of both young and old.

See that description up there? WE ARE GOING!! Carson is 5 and allll boy, and I am so excited to take him to this! My husband is pretty excited, too! It's this weekend, so once we've seen it, expect a new post about all of the awesome. 

And hey, if you want to go, I can save you a few bucks! $4 off - Get $4 off select seats with promo code: UFG4OFF


Thursday, February 20, 2014

How my thyroid ruined amusement parks and carnivals for me. Forever

Background: I have hypothyroidism. I was diagnosed two years ago, and I'm still struggling with getting it under control. I always assumed if you had it, you took a pill and BLAM, back to normal. Yeah, not so much. It's all kinds of tricky, and takes forever to get regulated because you can only increase the med dosage a tiny bit at a time, wait a few months, test, try again. It has all kinds of side effects (the good? I lost nearly 100 pounds. The bad? Much of my hair fell out). The latest side effect is some wicked insomnia.

Cue my thyroid destroying all the fun in life.

It was 3am, and I was wide awake for the eleventy seventh night in a row. It had become a ritual. Apparently my body thinks it can survive on 2-3 hours of sleep per night. After massive doses of maximum strength Unisom had failed me, I grabbed my phone to see what was happening on the interwebz. As it turns out, not much of anything at 3am.

I stumbled upon a Cracked article about working as a carny. I figured I'd read about raining puke and annoying patrons. That just seems like par for the course at carnivals and amusement parks. Then I stumbled across the part about people getting stuck on stalled rides. Again, not a big deal. It happens, and it's not SUPER common to be stuck for hours. The article commented on a few instances of long waits, and then linked to more articles, and google phrase search suggestions.

Keep in mind, it's approximately 3:17am. I've slept about 6 hours in 4 days. I have absolutely nothing better to do than to click the links and search the phrases. Oh, sure. There's laundry and dishes and dusting. But it's 3-freaking-am. I don't want to do that shit at 3pm, forget the middle of the night.

Now, I had already read about how the author thought it was raining one day, while manning a ride, and then realized that it was actually raining PUKE. Ew. Just.... fucking EW. But, understandable. I further read about how basically every surface in an amusement park has been barfed on. Cleaned, sure. But as the article points out, cleaned by some pimply faced, surly, underpaid teenager who really doesn't give a rats ass if that table/bench/counter is REALLY clean. So, I'm already pissed that funnel cakes have forever more been ruined for me. I mean, that's half the joy of amusement parks. And I'll never ben able to un-know that my beloved funnel cake is all barf-y. So, I was already feeling a little miffed.

Then I started clicking the links. Bad. BAD I TELL YOU! People always say you should never google medical issues because you will just scare yourself. I tend to disagree with this, because Dr. Google once told me I may be suffering from prostate cancer. It just made me laugh. But for the love of all things holy and funnel cake-y, DO NOT GOOGLE ABOUT AMUSEMENT PARKS. It wasn't SO bad at first. Just reading about people being stuck 170 feet in the air on a stalled roller coaster for 3 hours. Shitty, sure. Boring as hell, yep. But not horrifying. Then I started reading about this ride called the Windseeker. The first story said it was at Knott's Berry Farm in CA. Basically it's a giant pole with a ton of swings around it, but it goes up 300 feet in the air. Cool, I like swings.

                                                                    The Windseeker

But this motherfucker got stuck at the top of the 300 foot lift. For FOUR HOURS. I'm not a huge fan of heights, but I do fine on rides like this. I mean, they are in motion, Im having a good time, all is good. But if that bastard comes to a grinding halt at 300 feet up in the air, and doesn't start back up in about 5 minutes, I'm likely going to have a panic attack. Not to mention... four hours?? I mean, you have probably already ingested a (puke-y) funnel cake, frozen lemonade, giant churro, monster slushee and who knows what else. Nature isn't just going to call, it's going to be beating down the door like the L.A. riots. What the hell do you do?

Still, I wasn't totally horrified by this. It happens. But. Apparently it happens a whole hell of a lot to the Windseeker. Those bad boys are all over the US at different amusement parks, and it seems that about every single one has gotten stuck. For several hours. What the hell, people?? This really doesn't seem to be the most effective way to seduce people into your vomit coated wonderland of fun. Why is this ride not removed? Or hell, just FIXED????

So, here we are at about 3:38 in the morning. I now know that puke covers every surface, and I'm likely to get stuck on some ride 300 feet up in the air for four hours while trying desperately not to shit myself. Sounds like some All American Fun, no?

But, it got worse. I stumbled upon some link about amusement park accidents.

Hey, you over there. With the bag of Cheetos, laughing your ass off. Yeah, you. First, share the Cheetos. Second, I know you want to google amusement park accidents right now. Don't do it. Just don't.

How bad can it be, you ask? Well, pretty fucking bad, if you ask the poor, obese woman who didn't quite fit into her roller coaster restraint and CAME FLYING THE FUCK OUT ON THE FIRST HILL. Oh wait... you can't ask her. She's dead. And countless others scarred for life, as they saw her body go careening into the air. There seems to be a running theme of if you are overweight, stay the fuck off roller coasters. Another portly fellow flew off the Batman roller coaster when it went around a curve. Turns out, because of his size, he was not correctly secured.

Or? The poor little bastard who climbed a safety fence (granted, he went into an off limits area, so it's his own fault) to get his hat that fell off on the roller coaster ride, only to be DECAPITATED by said roller coaster. Guess he won't really be needing that hat anymore....

And don't think it's just roller coasters. For those who are more into the relaxed rides like the ferris wheel... well, you may just die in line. You know, like the gondola that came off the ferris wheel of horror, and landed right in the line's ride. Killing 2 and injuring 7.

How about a leisurely water rapids ride with the family? What's the worst that can happen, you get a little wet? Or you could lose your damn foot! Some poor girl either slipped while exiting or exited too early, and fell. Her leg was crushed, later resulting in her foot being amputated.

Remember the poor teenaged girl who was entangled by cables that snapped on a ride, and lost her foot? I remember that story when it was in the news. Just because you only have one foot doesn't mean you can pay half price for shoes, people.

Ok, so clearly, if we just stay away from all rides, and ride lines, yes? Yeah, not so much. What about the Haunted Castle at a Six Flags that burst into flames? Most people got out. Except for those 8 teenagers who were burned so badly, they had to be ID'ed by dental records. Freak accident? Probably. But maybe if the attraction had some smoke detectors or sprinklers....

By this point, I had to just make myself stop Googling, for fear of becoming a hermit and hoarder, who just spent the rest of my days in my safe little house. The one saving grace was that I hadn't seen any horror stories about Disneyland. Makes sense, it's the happiest place on earth, aside from the Xanax factory, right?

Enter my dear, darling brother. He informed me of a crap ton of accidents and deaths at Disneyland, and at that point, my dream of ever taking Carson to some sort of amusement park or on a ride was shattered.

Basically, if you want to take a fun family vacation, you'd be better off letting Justin Beiber drive your family around after smoking a pound of weed, and skip the Death Park of Terror. And I learned this all because of my stupid thyroid. Come vacation time, you can find me in a padded room. Bring happy pills.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Target Wedding!! Be Yourself, Together!

I don't think I've ever known an engaged couple that DIDN'T register at Target. I mean, let's face it. Target has everything that you do (and don't!) need. It is the perfect place to register for gifts, because there is a little something there for everyone! Just because two people are getting married, doesn't necessarily mean that they share the exact same interests, so Target is a terrific place to make up a really unique gift.

Carson and I headed to our local Target to see just what we could come up with in the unique gift department. Shopping with a 4 year old? Not fast, but definitely fun! First, we created a list of "do not gift" items.

First, we have the old stand-bys. A picture frame, ideally for a wedding picture. Nice in theory, true. However, most people are choosy about their picture frames. It's hard to know if it will go with their decor, and if you are choosing the right size. And frankly... how many people actually print their wedding pictures any more? I have an album, and the photos online, but I don't have any printed.

Next up, wall decor. Again, good in theory. Nobody likes blank walls! But it's hard to know if what you select is their taste, if they have a proper place for it, and if it meshes with their current decor. This will most likely end up in the "return for store credit" pile. 

More wall decor, and these are a bit better, because these would tend to fit in SOMEWHERE in a home. But, it's kind of boring and generic. It doesn't have a lot of personality, and to me, it doesn't seem like a lot of thought went into it. 

Ok, yeah. Nobody would buy these as a wedding gift. But seriously? How awesome are these wigs??? I really wanted to buy one. And wear it just because. I am so NOT kidding when I say Target has EVERYTHING. I don't know of any department store that sells totally awesome foam wigs. WINNING! 

The Target wedding theme this year is Be Yourself, Together! Meaning, two people who have different interests can often make a really awesome pair! I decided that I would like to pair gifts together that would be fitting for somebody who likes to entertain, and another who prefers quiet nights at home. 

For the one who loves to entertain, enter the KitchenAid 4.5QT green mixer. First of all, um how AWESOME of a wedding guest am I, giving somebody a KitchenAid? One of these bad boys is on my "want" list, but sadly it doesn't meet the "need" list, so it's still just a dream for me! I'm pretty sure these mixers have magical qualities that make pretty much ANYTHING you create all kinds of awesome and delicious. Seriously, with a KitchenAid mixer from Target, you could whip up all kinds of tasty treats for a dinner party! Invite your friends over, show off your tricky gadget (in lime green, because, well... lime green is awesome), and have everyone ooh and ahh over your mad culinary skills. The extrovert of the wedding party is one happy camper!!!

Sadly, my Target did not have a lime KitchenAid on display. Pink is still pretty stellar, though. I think it would be even better to just have a line of rainbow KitchenAid mixers in your kitchen. 

Moving on to the introvert, who prefers a lovely evening at home, snuggled up with his/her new love. A movie, some popcorn, sharing some cuddles on the couch. I decided to put together this gift basket (a basket in theory) of goodies. First, EVERYONE needs TV trays. Sometimes you just want to watch some TV on the couch while enjoying your dinner. And TV trays greatly cut down on the spilled spaghetti all over the couch and floor. They are easy to use, they blend in with any decor, and they fold up nicely when not in use. Then I added in a nice big ceramic bowl for popcorn!! Every movie night needs popcorn, and I'm partial to a nice heavy duty bowl to hold a lot of it! This trio of gifts is complete with a king sized knit blanket, for better cuddling during movie night! King sized means no wrestling over who has more blanket, and the knit was so pretty and soft! 

 These four items together definitely create a unique gift that would allow a couple who have different interests to enjoy evenings together. Hosting guests, or a quiet night at home? Who has to choose, you can do both, and that makes a pretty great team, if you ask me!

If you have weddings coming up (fall weddings are the best!), you should definitely check out everything that the Target registry has to offer. Wether you are an engaged couple looking to register for your big day, or a guest at upcoming nuptials, Target has something to please everyone! 

This is a sponsored post. Target provided a $50 gift card to create a unique wedding gift pairing. While the blog is sponsored, all thoughts and writing are my own, as are the gift selections. 

Content and/or other value provided by our partner, Target.

Content and/or other value provided by our partner, Target.

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